When I walked into my first fertility appointment in 2019, I thought I was there to talk about freezing my eggs. I left with a new vocabulary, a diagnosis of diminished ovarian reserve and a head full of questions I didn't know how to ask. Ten cycles later, these are the things I wish someone had told me at the start.
1. You are allowed to ask questions, and to ask them again
Appointments move quickly. It is completely normal to forget half of what you wanted to say, or to understand something only on the way home. Write your questions down before you go, take notes, and ask your clinic how best to follow up. Asking again is not a nuisance; it's part of looking after yourself.
2. Bring someone, or bring a notebook
If you can, take someone with you, even on a video call. If you're going alone, as I often did, a notebook becomes your second pair of ears.
3. Understand the costs before you start
Ask for a full written breakdown: medication, scans, embryo freezing and storage, any extras. Many of us are surprised by the final figure. The HFEA has helpful information on what to ask, including about treatment add-ons.
4. Decide who you'll tell, and what
There's no right answer. Some people want everyone to know; others tell nobody. I learned to choose a small circle who could support me without needing constant updates.
5. Think about work early
Cycles bring lots of short-notice appointments. Knowing your workplace policies, or simply deciding what you'll say if you need to leave early, takes one worry off your plate.
6. Routines help more than perfection
I found comfort in small, steady routines: simple meals, a walk, going to bed a little earlier. Not because they changed the outcome, but because they gave me something calm to hold on to.
7. Expect the emotions to surprise you
Hope, fear, jealousy, guilt, numbness: I felt all of them, sometimes in one afternoon. None of them made me a bad person, and they won't make you one either.
8. Stay with trusted sources
The internet is full of miracle stories and frightening statistics. I learned to lean on my clinic, the NHS and the HFEA, and to take everything else lightly. I've gathered the sources I trust on one page: Information I trust.
9. Counselling is there for you
Many UK clinics offer access to a fertility counsellor, and BICA lists accredited counsellors. I wish I'd used this support sooner.
10. You don't have to do this alone
This is the lesson that matters most to me, and the reason I created Fertility with Yara. Whether it's a friend, a counsellor, a support group or a coach, let someone walk beside you.
This article shares personal experience and general information. It isn't medical advice; please speak to your clinic about your own care.